Feb 7 to Feb 13 - The king of good times!

I don't know if this happens to you as well, but I have this peculiar tendency of putting off things - specially good things or plans.Like the trip to Surat to one of my closest pals I have been planning for a year now or the trip to Kerala I have been promising myself for about 2-3 years now.Then again, buying those books, or the XBox, or other such stuff to spoil myself.I keep on telling myself I will do this later, like I have been waiting for a signal or something to enjoy this, or do something with my life such that I feel like I deserve to spoil myself. But as is life, it just won't let you stop and catch a breath for yourself, or let you enjoy the good times if you wait for those times to come by.So here I am today, promising myself all the things I want - I desire - and doesn't matter if I don't deserve.This year and the next and the next (atleast till I am married or dead - any difference in the two?) are going to bring in the good times now! Let God frown upon me - time to follow the devil. Ahh yes, this doesn't include things I have given up on - like daaru or the ciggy!

Jan 31 to Feb 6 - might be the beginning of something

The week has been nightmarish.A close one has been in an accident and life suddenly consists of nights spent in hospitals, trips to doctors and different clinics, fetching reports and having the lesson imprinted in my mind again and again - Life is short.I am waiting at a specialist for a particularly long period of time.I am getting a little angry at the wait - telling myself - we should be attended to first as our case is more critical than many.There are like some 40 patients in queue (thankfully, my number is 14).The wait stretches to around 1.5 hours.The patients keep on coming, joining the queue, some in tears, some unable to muster those tears even.I suddenly feel so defeated.Can we really change anything? Is it always going to be like this? Patients having to wait in queues, a few specialists for like so many of them needing it (the ratio must be pathetic), tests carried out at different clinics...this list can go on.How do we change this? Where do we even start? More importantly, will life ever be painless or pain- proof? There are many things we can never change - the uncertainty of life, the certainty of death, the inevitability of pain.But maybe some things can be changed as well.Like the ratio above, the accessibility of these facilities, the expense incurred by the common man in the process.It is a huge task to even think about changing these things - but - I do know, I will try and play my part in it.My calculator says I have roughly around 1200 weeks minimum - might be just enough to do something about it.

Jan 18 to Jan 24 - The teetotaler

I am looking at it currently. The bill of my latest binging on alcohol. I am thinking again, those same guilty thoughts, of how I get transformed from a pennywise, 'always looking for his money's worth' gujju to a pound foolish, 'I don't care what another peg costs' drunkard in a pub. This time its a bill of a posh pub in Powai. Saffron spice, is the name, I recall only by looking at the bill. It says we had 12 pegs of Smirnoff and 20 pegs of Bacardi which put us back by a whole 4320 bucks. Nopes, it wasn't a group meeting of the alcoholics anonymous, just me and a friend of mine (refer to the entry - Patching up). Is it enough already? I have been telling this to myself for more than 2 years now. Putting away such bills as reminders, to remind me of the disgusting feeling next day - a day spent in hangover and itching my hands (have this allergic reaction when I have had a few too many) and telling myself again and again how it was just a waste of a few important thousand bucks. So, here goes now, my single most important change this week impacting my whole life now - just 60 ml of alcohol every fortnight. What? You thought I would go from those 12 odd pegs to 0 just like that? This is the single most thing I love, I can't give it up so easy. Infact I am thinking of editing that 60 ml to 90 ml even right now. But no, I will stick to it. And gradually some day, I will be the teetotaler I was...somewhere in my 11th std I think!!